The problem with this blog (an apology in advance)

Ok so the biggest problem with the way I use this blog is this:

I make these super long posts about what I'm struggling with, and to all of you its the first you've heard of it, and since you're all lovely, loving people, you all reach out to me and offer your support - and I want to say fist from the bottom of my hear THANK YOU but let me explain to you a thing:

One of the major advantages of this blog for me is that it helps me get stuff out of my system. By the time I post anything on here I've been struggling and thinking about it for days or weeks and I'm just DONE. So a LOT of the time, whenever I post these long posts that make you all worry, by the time it's posted and you read it and you message me - I would rather talk about LITERALLY anything other than said post.

I am very sorry about that, and even more sorry if I'm ever rude to you about it when all you are doing is trying to reach out in loving support. I am sorry that I make you worry. I don't mean to.

I don't want to spend my time replying to all of your wonderful messages with some basic defenses of my basic mental wellbeing or giving an example of how I mean it when I say I have ups and downs - these blog posts tend to be the downs, so please trust that at other times I have big "ups".

Like I said I really don't want to be or sound ungrateful for all of your support and love, but as referenced in my last post: right now what would help is not so much people saying "hey I'm here for you if you wanna talk about it" (but thank you for being there). Because I don't wanna talk about it. If I've gone so far as to post here, then I have already talked, and I would love to talk with you about anything that is not this. Pick a topic. Any topic. Any topic that's not this. I would love to talk, I would love your friendship and solidarity. But I need to get out of my own head, and talking about it constantly is not helping.

Once again, thank you, and I'm sorry.

P.S. this is especially true if you're in Oxford and I talk to you in person. For some reason I find it very very hard to discuss stuff like this in person. In person let's all just ignore that I make these posts, thanks.