Lilith

I have just but this moment finished and put down George MacDonald's Lilith, long recommended to me by my dear old friend C. S. Lewis, and worth every word of his praise.

Have you ever read a book just to see who else has? Not by asking, I mean, but by the reading. Have you ever read a book and known in reading it that all your favorite authors must have read it too? That was Lilith. Lewis, Tolkien, Pratchett, Gaiman, Carol. They've all read Lilith. I've only heard Lewis mention it, but I've full confidence in the rest. I will not of course say it is the fount of all such fairy tales; it, itself, I am sure, is one among many in a long tradition. But in every chapter I seemed to encounter something which I already knew, which I had seen before, and knew the children of, as it were. Much the same way I felt about Plato's metaphysical theories when I encountered them after growing up on Lewis. It's not that all the other authors mentioned stole from Lilith, rather that as I read I could find lines where I could feel another reader before me thinking 'aha! there's something.' and running free with inspiration.

I must confess that I've attempted other books on Lewis' suggestion and been disappointed. No matter what he or Dante say, I've never been able to bring myself to appreciate Virgil. I've even tried George MacDonald before, with Phantastes, and could not make it through. But this time, as with Chesterton, my fist literary friend has pointed me to a masterpiece.

Lilith has been sitting, unread, on my shelf for years now. I found it in a used bookshop one day. I don't remember when. It's something I always meant to get around to reading, and this week I finally did. It wasn't what I expected. I'm not entirely sure what I expected. A re-telling of the Garden of Eden I suppose. And to be honest, I feared at the start it would simply be a significantly longer version of Phantastes, which I in the end put down because of its lack of memorable plot. Perhaps it is a longer version of Phantastes, and I, for my failure to finish the shorter work, am not in a position to know. In any case, this time I left the flow of scenes, connected, it seemed, only by the fact that they were to be taken in sequentially, carry me along. I did my best not to over analyse and knew that if something was important it would be mentioned later.

I don't know that I want to explain the whole plot to you. Especially if you ever intend on reading the novel yourself. It is fantastic, in the actual sense of that word, and rather gothic, if I'm using that term correctly. It is, as Lewis described it, a myth. That is why I finally ended up reading it. I'm submerging myself in mythology these days. Snorri Sturluson's Prose Edda is next. It reminded me of all I loved in Ovid's Metamorphoses: enlightening the the life and mystery of the world. MacDonald's style is artful, and more than descriptive. He lends you senses you haven't to feel and imagine more and differently than before. The order of his world, the relation of parts to another, the deep meaning of actions and such, entices me too. And the ending. Not to spoil anything - although this may spoil everything - but I never thought to read an ending comparable to The Last Battle, but now I see more than ever where Lewis got it.

I feel that it is probably that I did not thoroughly enjoy every aspect of Lilith, and that having just put it down is clouding my memory of its sometimes frustrating, often far too skimmable prose. But the impression as a whole is marvelous. And again, I mean that as the root of the word intends. I can't say that it is my new favorite work, but I am more than glad to have read it.

Hello. And welcome to a very different kind of blog post. Thanks for reading this far. Up until now, this blog has been personal, and has functioned not only as a form of therapy but also a way to update a lot of my friends about my life at once. And it may, at times, continue to function this way. but one of the things I realized in my time at Oxford was that my own life is one of the dullest things I can discuss. I've been thinking for a while of creating a second blog just to talk about the stories I am consuming; books, games, shows, films, etc. But I kept putting it off because of the amount of work in starting one. When I finished Lilith however I knew I had to write up my impressions before they flew away, and so here I am. I had intended on Xena: Warrior Princess being my first not-self-starring post, even though I finished it several months ago now, but she'll just have to wait.

Just because I realized when coming on here to write that I haven't posted since I was in the middle of my Total Wine job, here's an update, for reading this far: I'm a substitute teacher now! Working mostly with 9-10th graders now, and getting pretty consistent work thanks to the sub-coordinators at the local schools. They seem to like me. A lot. And I feel like I haven't done that much. So it makes me wonder how little the other subs must do. but I digress. People keep asking me if I like teaching. And honestly? Most of a sub's job is to baby-sit the kids. Which is nice. I am liking it. The people are good, the hours are pretty good. It can be depressing at times, for sure, and it may just be that the last two days have been good enough that I'm here saying this now. Sometimes I wish I knew more of what was the norm in the schools in which I work, but I'm learning. In any case, I've had a lot of time to read. For instance, today I proctored a spanish test. So I basically got paid to show up, make sure everyone was there, hand out a test, and sit in a room and read and make sure everyone was quiet and no one was cheating. So yeah. Good gig.

It hasn't all been great. In fact, this week I went through another pretty big wave of depression, and ended up crying after a youth group meeting I was helping with. But I'll have to tell you about that some other time, as I am in no way in the mood for it now.

Another thing that has helped is the opportunity to have some uplifting conversations with people. Not in that they were lifting me up - although some tried - but that I was lifting them. I told one friend, you know that thing that some people who suffer with anxiety say? The "mom friend override"? It's when you'd normally be to anxious to talk to a stranger, but if there is a friend present who is even more anxious then you, then you are empowered to do it? I get that way about depression. I often loose all faith in my own future and purpose and hope, but I refuse to give up on anyone else's or let any of my friends deny theirs. When a friend is in need of encouragement, I end up preaching more truth than I knew was in me, proclaiming all sorts of things which I need to remember myself. I hope I help them. It shocks me how much it helps me. I hope I haven't sounded like I'm using other people's hurt to heal myself. And I hope that that's not what I have done. But it's been a mighty side effect, and one I haven't experienced in a long time.

Thanks again for reading. I may try to do more posts like this. If any of you have read Lilith please message, I would love to talk about it! And if you haven't, see if you can find it! It was published in 1895 and I'm sure it's in the public domain!

Thanks
Rissa

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.