This blog post has been a long time coming. I also want to say thank you to those who have asked for it. It means a lot to me that someone would not only read these blog posts but ask for more. And I'm sorry to all the friends who I haven't talked to or given an update to in quite some time now.
As always, things in my life and in my head have been rather up and down. I've got a job now, I've been at it for just over a month, and it's been exhausting. There are days when it is alright, when I make it hope with energy to spare, but most of the time I honestly don't know how time can move as slowly or painstakingly as it does. And neither can my feet. There have been times I really wanted to give up. And not just on the job.
But I've found some help. And things are better than they were the last time I had a cashiering job. The Lord has protected me, for the most part, from the consuming dread that I felt at previous jobs. The distracting, soul crunching dread that haunts you during hours and days when you should be free of work. It's not like I ever "took work home" as some people with office jobs might - I'm a cashier it's not like you can work from home. But it's like.. you know that feeling when you have some important event in the evening, and your whole day feels like "6 hours until I have to leave" "4 hours until I have to leave", etc? And you feel like you can't get anything done because you have to leave soon? It's like if it was that feeling, but stretched out for days - an unreasonable, debilitating distraction. That's what it was like a few summers ago. But its better this time.
I've been trying to focus more on the day at hand. Trying to do the work given to me, and recognize that it is indeed work that has been given to me, and not just my ill-fated attempts to do something rather than nothing. I've actually taken to reading from the daily lectionary and the book of common prayer when I can, especially if I have a few minutes in my car before work (because I'm paranoid of being there late I often arrive 5-10 min early). I've been trying to tell myself that all I need is strength for the day, and hope for tomorrow, and that I have both of those.
All the same, I'm wishing the year would just hurry up and end already. I got hired for the holiday crunch, and although they've made it seem like I can stay longer if I wish, I don't have much intention of staying past the new year. I will stay until then only because I feel I made a commitment, and it would seriously put them out to lose a team member - or try to hire one - during the holidays.
The really good thing is that I should have at least some for of employment lined up for the new year, as I'm in the middle of the process of becoming a substitute teacher for the local school district. This is something that a lot of my friends have done, and I am excited to be able to gain teaching experience, but I have to be honest that it's super intimidating too. You see, unlike most of the people around, I have literally zero experience in normal school classrooms before undergrad. I have no idea how they work! I don't really know what's expected, and it's hard to communicate that, since I've been in education my whole life - but none of it public school, and most of it seminar-style learning. So I guess... we'll see how this goes. One great thing about subbing is that I would have a lot of control over my own schedule, and could more easily do other things, including continuing work on the podcasts I'm on/will be working on.
Podcasting is still going pretty well, I think. I'm still on the one, The Liberal Aren'ts, and have two more in the works that will hopefully start recording soon. A lot of my free time is taken up my skype calls either to friends in the UK in the morning, or to play D&D in the evening. The rest of my time is, yes, still being spent watching Xena: Warrior Princess. I only have 8 episodes left, though, so I guess that will be changing soon.
Let's see, what else? I've gotten to play some really good games recently, and see some good good films. Standouts in both category are Thor: Ragnarok and Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice. Honestly I could go on about both of these - especially Hellblade - for ages. And I'm thinking of doing that on a separate blog that I haven't made yet. It's funny that they're both sort of about Norse myth. (I blame Xena for starting this trend with that whole Valkyrie trilogy).
That's all for now I guess. TL;DR: Jobs are tiring but I'm still here. It's been rough but not as rough as a few years back. And thank you so much for continuing to listen and ask.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
Rissa
