Inductions, and food for thought

So I think I've started a pattern here. I have begun to alternate between long rambly posts which chronicle my insecurities and unquietness and short posts which assure you all that I am still here and okay.

First off, thank you all for the supportive messages and just offers to talk. If I don't respond, it's just because I am busy and have been at orientation/induction all day.

This morning was unsettling for me. Because through the morning, which was an introduction to my Hall, Wycliffe, I was haunted by the strengthening feeling that i simply don't belong here. Everyone else is in theology, and I'm not. Everyone else is just... I dunno. You get the picture. Once again, what am I doing here?

Then I went to my Phil orientation and learned more about what I would be doing. And let me tell you right now, it is super duper intimidating. like for real. it's gonna be a lot of work. it's scary. But being around the other students and the staff did help confirm to me the message that so many of you helpfully reminded me of: that everyone else feels like they are faking it too.

I had to skip the really nice looking drinks reception where I might have met some of the faculty in order to make it to my hall's formal dinner to begin the term. It was actually quite nice. And I had some great conversations with some people at the drinks thing after that. It kinda confirmed again that there are some really good people here. So maybe it's a good thing I chose them.

I'm still not completely sure, but I feel less hopeless tonight, and I thought I would tall you all as much, before I begin sharing only the bad things!

I would like to do more actual thought sharing and not just emotional reflections, so we shall start with this:

So Wycliffe is evangelical right? but more specifically, Anglican. There are a lot of people here seeking ordination in the Anglican church. And what's so special about it being anglican, you might ask? Women. Note that I didn't say it was a bunch of men seeking ordination. I don't know what you all believe concerning the ordination of female clergy, church leaders, etc. But personally I think being in this environment is nice. because it's not weird for them. it's not a debated issue.  I myself have been asked several times if I'm here for ordination. And somehow just the idea that I could do that and everyone would think me fully capable is nice, I dunno. The fact that that limit is gone, even if I never plan on heading in that direction, is somehow really nice. It breeds a much much better atmosphere in my opinion.

I'm not here to debate or start fights, I know it's a complicated issue. But I wonder if everyone up in arms about female church leaders have ever met them. Food for thought.