So I wrote this post ages ago but it never got published. But the real story is that I cannot let 2019 end without getting to a certain God and his Queen who undeniably won 2019. So this is gonna be a quickfire to get through the rest of the Olympians so I can turn to their often more interesting children... Get ready for at least 3 more posts before the New Year!
(extra warning for strong language and sex/violence in this one)
Alright y'all, there is one final child of Zeus in our Pantheon: Dionysus! Dionysus is a weird one. He wasn’t in the original circle of 12 Olympians but got added in later. You'll see. Dionysus is the son of Zeus and - get this - a mortal woman! Not a Titan or a God. So you’d think he’d be a demi-god, like Perseus or something. And maybe he started out that way. Maybe not...
Dionysus’ mother was Semele, who was herself the daughter of Cadmus (Founder of Thebes. We’ll get to him later when we talk of mortal heroes) and Harmonia, who was the daughter of Ares and Aphrodite’s affair. So yes, Zeus and his son’s daughter’s daughter. Zeus has zero (0) shame and this is honestly one of the LEAST incest-y pairs. Zeus is Dionysus' father and also great-great-grandfather. But he's also Ares' father-and-uncle, so.... Anyway, Dionysus’ birth is an… interesting affair. And not one that ends well for Semele. But this time it’s kind of her own fault. Luckily there is no rape this time (for once). Semele and Zeus were lovers, and as always, Hera found out. This time, though, Hera worked more craftily. Instead of confronting Zeus or Semele herself in all her rage, Hera talked with Semele, woman to woman. There are two stories here, and I don’t know which of them is better. EITHER Hera disguised herself as a mortal and planted the seed of doubt in Semele’s heart: ‘You’re sure he’s really Zeus? What if he’s tricking you. Make him show you himself in his true Godly form!’ OR Hera went to her straight up like ‘Oh haha, you’re sleeping with my husband? Well. You might think he’s doing right by you, but he only REALLY performs in bed for me. You can’t handle the real Zeus, you’re just his play thing. He’ll get bored of you, mortal, and come back to me when he wants to REALLY have sex’.
Either way, Hera’s words got to Semele, and one night after she and Zeus had laid together, Semele asked her lover to promise her whatever she asked. Zeus, like an ABSOLUTE IDIOT, swears by the River Styx (the strongest, most unbreakable vow which can be made) that he will grant her whatever she asks (This is NOT the last time someone will do this and it ALWAYS leads to tragedy. Moral of the story, kids, is NEVER EVER ask for or make this promise!) Semele - as you might have guessed - asks Zeus to show her his full power. To bed her like he beds his wife in all his Godly glory. And Zeus, having sword upon the Styx, can’t say no. But Semele is a mortal woman, and he knows that this will kill her. And so, with the power of the Lightning God he is, Zeus quite literally fucks Semele to death (I warned you this wasn’t a story for kids!!) because she asked him to (NOW you take consent into your deal?). And y'all? It is not a coincidence that this story starts with fucking-to-death. Unfortunately, this will come back. (Yes I realise I just earned myself an 'R' rating by using the F-word twice in a row, but I'm being very literal with it and also this is a very R rates story and you were warned).
Thing is tho, Semele was already pregnant. Because of course she was. And although Semele dies, Zeus was able to save the baby. The fetus, that is - see the kid wasn’t ready to be born yet. But Zeus had to so SOMETHING to keep them safe, and to hide the child from Hera too. So he did the only thing he could think to do: he SEWED THE FETUS INTO HIS THIGH. Because THAT’S the type of man Zeus is. Like what?? Why??? Because it’s… close enough? Like… It’s in the general area of a womb?? I Guess??? It’s below the waist??
Whatever. Zeus carried a baby to term in the flesh of his thigh. Which I guess is not a lot weirder than a fully grown woman stepping armed and armored out of your head. Eventually the baby was ready to be born, and Zeus… gave birth… to Dionysus. He is for this reason called the “Twice Born God”, in that he was born prematurely from Semele, and then again from Zeus.
Dionysus is interesting because even though Zeus gave birth to him, he didn’t start his career as a god on Olympus, but on earth. After Dionysus' second birth he was entrusted to Hermes, who in turn trusted him to a styre names Silenus and a bunch of river nymphs to raise him - not unlike how Zeus was entrusted to a bunch of nyphs and a goat on Mt. Ida. They raised Dionysus on earth and out of Hera's sight. when he was grown the young demi-god traveled far and wide, and invented this new thing called WINE. Which humanity soon realized was THE ACTUAL BEST THING ON THE PLANET. (I’m a beer person myself, but go off I guess). Also, remember that this is a time before safe drinking water, so wine is like. The safest thing to drink. It's invention was so beyond world-changing it cannot be expressed.
Thing is, when someone invents the actual best thing on the planet, people might start to worship them. And when they have super magic powers, they are seen as a god! And Dionysus had both. Dionysus could make grapevines grow at his wishes, and could command certain animals - specifically panthers, leopards, and other large cats (I don't know why these, it seems like Rule of Cool to me). But he lived more or less as a mortal, and was seen as a beautiful young boy.
There are various stories from this young boy's youth. One time a group of Pirates tried to kidnap Dionysus! They thought that someone must be willing to pay a fine ransom on such a beautiful boy, and they didn’t know he was a god. They didn’t know, that is, until a bunch of wild cats came to protect him. Still, they managed to get him into their boat and set sail - somehow still okay with kidnapping a kid with wild magic powers. Soon, though, the wood of their ship began to sprout vines! Strong green vines heavy with grapes crept around their ship, up the mast and over the sails, tangling the oars and threatening to break everything. The Pirates then finally realised that they had stolen a God, and to escape his wrath they threw themselves into the sea. Dionysus, taking pity on them or punishing them, who is to say, turned the men into dolphins! A new creature that the god of wine had just invented. So that’s why he’s the god of dolphins too.
When Zeus saw that his little boy was not only growing very powerful, but was worshipped by the people of earth, and dearly beloved, he wanted to make sure the boy came to live in Olympus (because we wouldn't want the people’s love directed elsewhere! Bring that worship right on in here, my boy). Hera, obviously, objected. There were only 12 seats, she pointed out. There was no room in Olympus for another god like him. This is when Hesia - blessed Hestia, lovely, humble, quiet Hestia, offered to give up her throne and let Dionysus sit down, for she herself felt more at home sitting by the fire than in a cold throne, and she wished the boy whom the people so loved to have a seat with them. And so Dionysus became an Olympian.
That's most of the stories about Dionysus. He has one other myth, in which after becoming an Olympian, he wanted to bring his mother with him, to honor her, like a good son. Unfortunately, his mother had died, and was in the Underworld. So Dionusys sent down after her (this happens a lot). He was helped by a few people - including Heracles, who saved him from Cerberus, and a shepard names Prosymnus, who acted as guide, and asked in exchange to be Dionysus' lover. You see, everyone was in love with Dionysus. And we'll talk about why in a sec .Unfortunately for this young man, he himself died before Dionysus could make good on this deal. So Dionysus instead just... sent his shade a dildo. I'm. I'm not even kidding. That's part of the myth. Dionysus created the dildo and gave one to a ghost instead of sleeping with him. To be honest this shouldn't be that surprising because let's get to the real point here:
Dionysus is the god of orgies. Like you might think it was Aphrodite, who we will talk about next, since she's the goddess of sex. But no, sex is very different from orgies, and Dionysus is the god of orgies. He's the god of drunken maddness, which was seen a holy. "Ecstatic Frenzy", that's what it's called.Dionysus is the god of Ecstacy. Ecstacy is an interesting word, because it can be very very good or very very bad. and that's a good way to describe Dionysus.
Thing is, when you invent a religion around wine and orgies, things tend to go. Very. Very. VERY wrong. Very fast. If you've ever heard the word "Bacchanalia", this is a reference to the Roman form of the Dionysus myth, Bacchus. Basically there were a lot of festivals which involved a lot of people (mostly women - there is actually a name for these ladies, they are called the Maenads, or 'the raving ones', they dressed in the skins of goats or large cats or in nothing at all and carried staves and harps covered in vines and pinecones) going off into the woods, getting VERY drunk and high and naked, and having a lot of sex. Sex which often got very violent - especially when someone good looking refused to join in. In fact there are a lot of myths we'll talk about later in which a good looking young person is beaten to death or beheaded by the followers of Dionysus for being too pretty and not wanting to join their orgy. It's not a great look, fam.
I think it says a lot about the greeks that they found drunkenness holy. Now it wasn't the case that every time someone got drunk it was holy. It was more like - there was a special place in the social structure, a special time set aside to just get wasted, and praise the gods for it. Now this is NOT to say that every time someone worshipped dionysus they did it by getting black out drunk. Drinking in moderation was ALSO a form of worship to Dionysus when it was NOT a feast day. This is part of where Symposiums come from. You may have been to a "symposium" before, and it might have been a rather academic affair that involved a lecture and a formal discussion. In Oxford we had a lot of symposiums that invovled grad students sitting around a big table and talking about stuff. they were great. But they weren't REAL symposiums. Because the word "symposium" means "Drinking together"! Symposiums were times where you'd get all your friends together, sit around your house on big floor cushions, drink wine, and chat! They were terrific. The discussion - and the strength of the wine - was moderated by the hosts, and the discussion topics were everything from serious political machinations to deep philosophical questioning to debating who the hottest person in the city was. Several of Plato's Socratic dialogs are set during a symposium, where Socrates and others like Perakles, his wife Aspasia, the general Alkibiades (you remember him. He got banished for the desecration of the Herms), other notable politicians, artists, and playwrights, and their friends would all sit around talking and drinking. (And alkibiades spent most of it getting drunk and hitting on socrates). It's rather debated whether symposiums were completely gender-divided, because the records are very man-heavy, but we know Aspasia joined in sometimes (some people even say she is the person who taught Socrates!) and lets be honest - records are always more man-heavy than history.
So yes! Just like all good things, wine - and dionysus - are good in moderation, and dangerous in excess. I would quite like to attend a real greek symposium, and would be quite terrified to be anywhere NEAR a real bacchanalia. (Side note: did you know that Xena: Warrior Princess, a show which is rated PG, managed to feature not one but TWO different bachannalias? One of which was a halloween episode about vampires, and the other of which is literally about causing the fall of Lucifer. Both of them are. Extremely homoerotic. Which seems rather fitting for a bacchanalia. And I am baffled that they actually did this in a show that children watched.)
The rest of the stories about Dionysus are mostly about the mortals he interacted with - including Midas and Ariadne. Ariadne's story I will tell later, since hers is wrapped up in Thesus' tale, but Midas you've probably heard of...
Midas was the King of Phrygia (central modern day Turkey), and he was a good king. One day, Dionysus' foster father, the styre Silenus, got drunk and passed out. Midas' people found him, and brought him to their king, who acted nobly and hospitibly, and welcomed this stranger into his royal house as a guest, even though he was a drunk styre who had passed out in his garden. Silenus was grateful, and when his adopted son Dionysus found out, he offered Midas a reward - whatever he asked for.
Now Midas was kind. But he was also kind of dumb. Not the most forward thinking of men. He asked for the ability to turn things into gold, with the mere touch of his hands. People often paint Midas as a kind of Scrooge character, greedy like a dragon. I think he was just kind of a dumbass, distracted by shiny things, and impressed by the power of the gods. He's not a bad guy he's just childish. Because the thing is, when everything you touch turns to gold, then EVERYTHING you touch turns to gold. Like sure, you've now got a lot of gold - a golden throne and golden floor and golden silverware. Midas went into his garden and turned all of his roses into gold! He was the richest man on earth (until inflation I mean), but also... your bed is gold, and your papers are gold, and your FOOD is gold. In some myths, Midas actually starves to death because he can't eat anything. Everything he puts in his mouth turned to gold! But Midas held on, hungry as he was, until the last straw. See Midas had a young daughter, and when she saw her father so upset, she went to give him a hug... and she turned to gold.
Midas was distraught, and cried gold tears and BEGGED dionysus to take the gift away. Dionysus took pity on him, and instructed him to bathe in a nearby river. Midas did, and his power flowed into the river, turning its banks to gold. In some myths, the power of the river went farther, and Midas was able to return home and touch all of his gold and turn them back into what they were - including his daughter. But that's a lot happier than most greek myths are allowed to be...
That's all I can think of for good ol' Dionysus. He's a fun god, and a weird one, and a scry one too. Dionysus is really interesting to me because he is somehow at the same time both a terrific example of how good things in moderation are very good, and outside of moderation are very bad (a very Greek sentiment) and ALSO is a god who just exudes the lack of moderation. He is a god of excess and ecstacy and madness - and it's confusing how such a god could be considered a god by the greeks who valued Moderation and Morals. And you can see this confusion in greek philsophy too. If you've never read Plato's Symposium or Phaedrus, you should, especially the Phaedrus, in which Socrates first argures for a very cynical rational view of romance, but then stops and remind himself that love is a god. The same can be found in other places, in which Plato talks very rationally before stopping to remember that sometimes Madness is in fact Divine. Which is not something figured out by his philsophy, but something which must be factored in.
It reminds me of C.S. Lewis' The Pilgrim's Regress, in which philosophy as a whole is presented as on an axis or spectrum from North (cold, hard logic), to South (mysticism). Dionysus would in this case by the god of the South. He is the embodiment of mysticism in practice. Of ecstacy. Which, when placed inside of a larger religion and philsophy, is a reminder of our spiritual humanity and a humbling reminder of the limits of our logic.
So what can we learn from Dionysus in modern day? It's pretty obvious the danger that he and his followers still present. It may no longer be a socially accepted practice to off into the woods and have drunken murderous orgies (although I am certain that people still do this). But it is socially acceptable for people - especially collage students - to have their own form of bacchanalia. I myself have never been involved in a college sorority or fraternity, but the sordid stories I hear about them, this is exactly what they were based on. It's not a coincidence that they are called "greek" societies, and take greek names. And I'm sure they have their good side and bad sides like all things. I'm sure that there are some true "Symposium" going on out there! But the sense of mysticism, along with the culture of drunkeness and even rape? That's very. Very dionysus. The culture which has arisen around recreational drug use is also very Dionysus. And while this is not contained to college campuses, they are a place where it probably most visibly discussed and almost expected, which is gross and also dangerous.
Basically, any value system which praises drunkeness for drunkeness sake or which excuses rape or other forms of sexual violence, is clearly evil, and evil aligned to Dionysus. It is excess for the sake of excess, with no concern for how it damages others, or even oneself.
All that said, what I DONT want to do is make this post into some sort of prohibition t-total campaign. Because like with all gods, Dionysus does have some truth and goodness to share. In this case, I would find it in the Symposium. Getting together with friends and having some drinks? Is good. And not only is it good, it can be godly. God designed us for community, and God also invented alcohol! As G.K. Chesterton wrote: "We should thank God for beer and burgundy by not drinking too much of them". When we drink in moderation, we praise God for his creation of drink, by using it as he intended and gave it to us. And that is good. Some people in the church still think that Abstinence from alchohol is the only way forward. This puritatian line of thought, I think, it just another way in which the Church has cut itself off from the freedom Christ has granted, and the goodness of God's creation. Just like the pharisees of the NT, these people create new restrictive laws and pretend they are of God.
Now I'm not saying that everyone needs to drink alcohol. I know a lot of people who are t-total, and more power to them! There are a lot of good reasons to avoid drink altogether. Alcoholism, after all, is a disease, and some people are more prone to it than others, and it is of the highest importance to take care of yourself. This, too, is a way to worship God. Even if your reason is just "I don't like the stuff!" that's a good reason too! You do you, when it comes to if you wanna drink or not. The people I'm writing against are the people who wish to convince others that drinking alcohol is a moral evil, period end of story. People who want to impose their own t-total ways on others. And especially people who try to pretend that the Church is or ought to be full of only t-totalers. Like I said, I know that it is a complex discussion when it comes to addiction, and making a space which is safe and accommodating for those who struggle with addiction. But the amount of SHAME culture which I have seen in the church in America when it comes to alcohol is just horrid. Especially the baptist church. They are not only locking themselves away from one of the good gifts which God provides, but they are also generating Shame in a way which hurts people who enjoy drinking AND people who struggle with addiction both!
That all aside, as I said, the other truth which I think Dionysus brings out can be a general reminder of the mystic nature of religion. Many sects of Christianity have gotten so tangled in the cold logic of theology that they can forget that our God is alive and active, he interacts with us and communicates to us. And often he does so in ways we cannot put into words. Now I'm not saying that people ought to go get drunk or high and say they're hearing from god. But what I am saying is that God made us with minds and hearts - with emotions. And while we don't want to put our entire faith into our emotions (another problem I have faced in the church, in which I feared I wasn't saved because I did not "feel" like I thought I should). But we also don't need to belittle the mystic or emotional. I've been in some churches where speaking in tongues is quite common, and some where it's not, but I've encountered others who are somehow vehemently against is. And I just don't understand those people. Do you think God is incapable of speaking in ways you don not understand? Are you so frightened of the possibility of error that you shut yourself off from an entire tradition? Humans are mystic. They are. Humans are flesh and blood - which is far more mystic than we give it credit for - and they are also spirit and soul.
God created humans to love and worship and enjoy him, and he created the world to help. To help us learn more about him, and worship him better. As always, if we focus more on the world than on the God that made it, we are lead to excess. But moderation and enjoyment ARE God honoring. Whether it's with alcohol or with our emotions.
Wow that was a lot. This this - fitting enough - what happens when I try to write a post while I am on narcotics. (I had a surgery earlier this week and am still recovering). I apologize for it's rambling chaos, which seems more than normal which is saying a lot, but I hope it communicated even some of the thoughts when I meant it to. I hope you enjoyed these stories, and I hope that this holiday season you've been able to have a Symposium of your own - gather your friends and have a few drinks (unless like me you're not allowed to drink while on your meds), and talk about the things that really matter. Whether that's the Incarnation of God himself, or just how much you love your friends. All good things are from God. Go enjoy them in his name.
I hope you've had a merry Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanza, or Hogswatch, or Solstice, or Yule, or whatever. Happy Candlenights, everyone.
For me it's been a very good Christmas, the time when we all celebrate that Once upon a time, a Myth came True.
Thanks for reading. Expect my next two posts on Aphrodite and on Persephone soon! And probably just as addled...
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
R
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