(That would have rhymed better if you read her name right, which is "a-phro-DEE-tee", not the anglicised "a-phro-DIE-tee". Or at least that's how Kassandra says it in Assassin's Creed Odyssey, and she should know if anyone does.)
TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY. Am I crazy? Yes. Yes I am. If you haven't yet, please read my previous post about Dionysus before you read this one. Thanks!
Y'all I'm still on narcotics after my recent surgery, but I want to get this written. It's time. To talk. About dicks. What, y'all thought that just because we're talking about a goddess that means that dicks won't be a major part of this story? Then you do not know Greek mythology, my friend. There are always dicks. Always. (Unless you're Artemis, Athena, or Hestia. Then you're safe from dicks. And also allowed to cut them off.)
Obviously there's gonna be a lot of talk about sex and sex organs in this post so you can leave now if you're not okay with that. Sorry if this grosses anyone out.
Do you remember waaaaaay back when, when I mentioned that Ouranos' dick was a secret tool that would help us later? Well my friend, that time has come.
So normally the Birth of Aphrotide/Venus is depicted like this:
Thanks, Michelangelo. So if you go by Mikey here, or by any family-friendly version of Greek myth, you might know that Aphrodite just... arose from the sea one day. Like magic. She has no father or mother, but just kind of. Appeared. Or was formed out of sea foam. The personification of beauty. Too beautiful for even Zeus to be her parent - to beautiful for any woman to claim to be her mother, except the Earth of the Sea itself.
Now all of this is... technically true. But Also. That sea foam which formed Aphrodite didn't just come from nowhere. It was specifically formed when Kronos - the youngest of the titans - took up the terrible scythe and rescued his mother Gaia from her treacherous husband Ouranos by... castrating him. Which is equivalent to killing, apparently. Because guys seem to really REALLY care about their dicks. As a woman who does not have one, I feel I shouldn't judge. But at the same time. I'm judging. Hard. Men need to calm down. Now that said, mutilation of any sort is horrible and I'm not trying to say it's okay but really... you're not dead.
Okay anyway I don't want to talk about dicks anymore lets get back to Aphrodite. Story goes that after Ouranus was castrated, the part of him which was cut off fell into the sea (remember, Ouranus is the Sky), and it caused a large wave of sea foam (which I'm choosing to think of as a wave caused as waves are often cause, by an object hitting the surface of the water and not as... the result of some function of the organ. But this is greece, so it probably was ejaculate, let's be real). Anyway, when this sea foam washed ashore, out stepped a beautiful lady! Aphrodite! Beloved by all!
Because of all this, Aphrodite is often symbolised by all things sea-shore. Especially those little shells, like the one she's standing on in Michelangelo's painting. You know how people sometimes picture mermaids with sea-shell bras? Like in the Little Mermaid? Yeah, that's probably because of Aphrodite. Weirdly, Mermaids themselves aren't really in Greek Myth much, just Sirens, who are half-woman-half-bird, not fish. However, a lot of people think that Mermaids are in fact adaptations of sirens, and that the shift from bird-to-fish might have happened pretty early.
But we're not here to talk about mermaids are we? So Aphrodite washes ashore on the island of Cyprus, and when the gods see her they just. Immediately offer her a seat in Olympus. Even though she's the only one here who is neither a child of Kronos nor or Zeus. Because she's just. Too damn hot. To not be an Olympian. She also just. Never wears clothes. Like ever. It's weird.
So we've already discussed how Aphrodite was originally wed to Hephaestus, but cheated on him IN HIS OWN BED with his brother, Ares (Like an idiot) and they ended up getting divorced. Aphrodite, understandably, has a lot of myths of her various lovers (most of whom are men) and a few about her children and other chosen.
The foremost among Aphrodite's children is Eros - better known as Cupid. Eros (aka erotic love) is her firstborn son by Ares. Other children by Ares include Harmonia (who married Cadmus and had Semele, the mother of Dionysus), and Phobos (fear) and Deimos (dread), the most famous children of Ares. Also Adrestia, who I don't know much about just that she's who Kassandra names her ship after in ACO and her name means 'she who cannot be escaped' which is BADASS. Aphrodite also had some kids by other gods (because she's not a one man kind of woman), including Herme's kid, Hermaphroditus, whose name is a union of their parents "Hermes+Aphrodite=Hermaphrodit" - the 'us' at the end comes because Hermaphroditus was born male, but when they were young, they were united in spirit to the naiad Salmacis, and are now andogynous (which btw is just the greek word for man, 'andro', and for woman 'gyne', put together).
Anyway I was gonna talk about Eros, because he's the one of Aphrodite's kids who is most like his mom. You probably already know about him - he's got wings and a bow and if he shoots you you will fall in love. He can also shoot you to fall in hate, as it were. He does his mom's work for the most part. And at first, the both of them used their powers pretty much however they wanted. The only people who are immune to their ways are the Sacred Virgins - that is, Hestia, Athena, and Artemis, and their sworn followers. But as we've seen with Zeus' wayward ways, sometimes falling in love causes chaos. Specifically ihen Aphrodite and Eros started meddling with the loves of her fellow Olympians, like Apollo, and even Zeus himself. Eventually, Zeus banned them from using their powers against other gods - and he punished Aphrodite for the chaos she caused, by turning her magic against her, and making her fall in love with a mortal man.
This bit has always struck me as the inspiration for Shakespeare's bit in Midsummer Night's Dream when the faerie queen Tatiana falls in love with a man with an ass' head. Aphrodite falls in love with some common shepard. The shepard - a man named Anchises - at first is just blown away by her beauty, and asks her if she is Aphrodite, swearing to build her an alter. Aphrodite however wants him and not an alter, so she lies to him - says she is a noblewoman and not a goddess, and that she wants to sleep with him. He acquiesces rather readily, but then in the morning she reveals herself to him, and he is full of regret, apologizing and saying that nothing good will come from his sleeping with a goddess (the most sensible and modest man in greek myth). However she tells him she will bear him a son, who will be the mighty and prophesied Aeneas, who will be the deliverer of Troy! Anchises is still scared, because he knows that mortals who sleep with immortals tend to have rather short or horrid lives afterwards, but Aphrodite comforts him and keeps him safe. (She also tells him about Zeus' longest-living mortal lover, Granymede, who is his cupbearer and favored male lover).
We'll get to Aeneas in time. But Aphrodite had a few other stories lovers - most notably perhaps Adonis. Adonis is another of Aphrodite's bad plans coming back on her. You see, there's one thing Aphrodite absolutely cannot stand. And that's when someone is said to be more beautiful than her. She's really insecure about it, and this causes a lot of havok. For instance, there was a young woman names Myrrah, whose mother boasted that she was more beautiful that Aphrodite herself. So Aphrodite cursed the daughter with a twisted inversion of an Oedipus complex, and cause her to fall madly in love/lust with her own father. After acting on this, Myrrah bore a son to her own father, but was driven out. Instead of dying of shame, however, she was transformed into the first weeping Myrrh tree, crying sap forevermore. But her son was born, and he was Adonis. The myth goes that Aphrodite found the baby and chose a foster mother for him - and for whatever reason she chose Persephone, queen of the Underworld (who we will talk about soon!). But then when Adonis was grown, he was VERY HANDSOME, and Aphrodite wanted him for herself.
Zeus settled the matter in a similar manner as he settled Persephone's own - saying that Adonis would spend 1/3rd of the year with his adopted mother Persephone, 1/3rd of it with his lover Aphrodite, and 1/3rd of it with whoever he so chose. And he chose Aphrodite. Because of course he did. Unfortunately for Adonis, Aphrodite already had a long-term lover who was a very jealous man. Ares. He wasn't happy about Adonis, and he had him killed (by a boar. Some people actually say that Artemis sent the boar, to avenge one of her own followers). Adonis died in Aphrodite's arms, and went back to the underworld forever, as a shade this time. And Aphrodite mourned his death forever more. Adonis is very associated with certain flowers and plants, and gardening in general. And I'm not entirely sure why.
Lets see, who else did Aphrodite favor? Well there was Hippomenes, for a time. He was a young suitor who wished to wed the marvelous Atalanta. Atalanta was the foremost athlete in Greece when it came to her sport of running races. She could run faster than any man. And so she declared that any man who wished to wed her would need to beat her in a running race first - and if they lost, they would be executed. Because dang, Atalanta. You get that. Isn't she great? I love Atalanta. Atalanta is also the only woman who is said to have joined in on the great Hunt for the Calydonian Boar - and the first to draw the blood of the great beast as well! In the end, the hide of the boar was awarded to Atalanta too. Which caused no little strife. She is also sometimes said to be the only female Argonaut! which is awesome. We'll talk about the Argo later.
So anyway, Hippomenes is a man who wants to take up this running race challenge but he knows he can't win, so what is he gonna do? He's gonna cheat. Because of course he is. Aphrodite likes this idea, and wants to see Atalanta wed (lol probably so she won't go off and join Artemis), so she gave Hippomenes some magic golden apples, which Atalanta would be compelled to collect. Hippomenes and Atalanta came to the starting line. The race would either end in their marriage or his death. And Atalanta was confident she would win. She didn't hate Hippomenes - she actually loved him, but she was a woman of her word, and he had chosen this. The race started, and Atalanta outpaced Hippomenes by a LONG way. So Hippomenes threw one of the golden apples, as far from the track as he could. Despite their race, Atalanta saw the golden object in flight, and was confident enough in her lead that she took a break from their race to run out and pick it up. Hippomenes did this three times, each time sending Atalanta on a longer wild goose chase which took her far away from the finish line. By the end, she had run over three times the length of the race, but he was the one who crossed the finish line first.
Atalanta was true to her word, and the two were wed. Apparently she was okay with the tricks he had up his sleeve, as they seem happy. Unfortunately for them, Hippomenes apparently didn't do enough to thank Aphrodite for this union, and one time they may have been so passionate in their lovemaking they didn't realise they had stumbled into a holy temple of Rhea. I don't know which one of the goddesses was more upset but the long and short is that one of them turned Atalanta and Hippomenes into lions. Which is... fun I guess. Idk, y'all. Lions are cool.
Then there was Pygmalion. You've probably heard of him. He was a devout follower of Aphrodite, and a wonderful sculptor. Once he sculpted a statue of Aphrodite so marvelous that he himself fell in love with it, and wished to marry the perfect woman he had carved. Aphrodite favored him, and brought the statue to life. From all I can remember, the two were wed and lived happily ever after.
This is a lot of happily ever after for greek myths I'm getting uncomfortable. Let's talk about another child of Aphrodite. So Aphrodite doesn't have any kids per-say from her actual husband, Hephaestus. EXCEPT. They did co-create a being once. Which no that's not a euphamism - they didn't co create a person in the normal way by having sex. Instead, Hephaestus shaped a woman in his forge, and Aphrodite helped bring her to life. He name was Pandora, and she was remarkably beautiful. A gift from the gods to mankind. And Pandora also had a gift from the gods - a box. You've probably heard this story before. This was when mankind was still very young, before the flood.
Have I mentioned the flood? Oh dear I really am telling this out of order. Did you know the flood was in Greek myth too? Well it is. Ok so let's back waaaaay up a second. Back to the creation of human kind. And... oh bother this is going to be a whole other post to itself isn't it? Ok so what do you know about Prometheus? Hmmm... maybe I should save this story for another time. There is a whole lot of it. Ok well for now, just know that Aphrodite helped make Pandora. And I'll get to her when I turn to the minor gods in the new year.
Sorry about that side-track. There are loads and loads of other myths about Aphrodite. Especially about her having fun at mortal's expense, or getting angry when people are called prettier than her, including one story where she causes an entire island of women to murder their husbands. But there is one story which is the most important of all, and starts when someone finally refuses to name anyone as more beautiful than Aphrodite - and everyone in all of Greece suffers for it. You see, the man was named Paris, and this in the story of the Trojan War.
I'm going to be very brief about this because wow I did not know I had this many stories about Aphrodite. So this story starts when one of Ares' little friends, Eris, the goddess of discord, gets pissy because she wasn't invited to a wedding (would you invite discord to a wedding? I didn't think so). So just like the 13th/4th faerie, Eris shows up with a gift of her own. It is a golden apple, upon which is simply written "To the fairest". Which sounds nice except... none of the goddesses want to admit that they are not the fairest of them all.
Three goddesses in particular lay claim to the apple - Hera, the queen of the gods, Athena, goddess of wisdom and fine craft, and Aphrodite, goddess of sexual pleasure and beauty. To settle this matter, they asked Zeus. And Zeus - in his one moment of clarity - refuses to decide (which, seeing as one of them is his wife, is probably a bad move even in itself). And in the next moment he makes an even stupider move by declaring that some random mortal boy names Paris will decide for them.
Paris was the younger son of King Priam of Troy, and younger brother to Hector. Apparently, Paris had good judgement and humility, because one time he had bested Ares in some bull-breeding contest, but because he had a head on his shoulders, he let Ares claim the prize instead (because Ares is known to rip people's arms off when he loses).
Unfortunately, having enough sense to fear Ares does not a wise man make. And when someone came and asked Paris "Who is the fairest of the goddesses - Hera, Athena, or Aphrodite?" Paris did not take the only sensible course of action, which would be to RUN LIKE MAD and hide in the hills. Maybe Artemis would have helped, or Apollo. Instead, Paris listen as each of the goddesses attempt to bribe him - Hera promises him a mighty king, Athena promises to make him a mighty warrior, and Aphrodite promises him the hand of the most beautiful woman in the world. Paris, like an absolute love sick fool, declares Aphrodite the winner. And earns the eternal scorn of both the Queen of Heaven and also the Goddess Athena. Which is. Wow. Such a bad move.
It really sucks for Paris, because if he had chosen anyone besides Aphrodite, you know she would have cursed him to like, fall in love with his shadow or some shit like that. But anyway. The ire of the gods is not actually what brings on the Trojan War. It's Aphrodite's promise. Because Aphrodite did not say "the most beautiful maiden" or "available woman", she said "the most beautiful woman" and it turns out that the most beautiful woman in the world was already married! Her name was Helen of Sparta, and she was the wife of King Menelaus.
If there is one thing which should be fairly obvious about ancient Greece it's this: Do not, I repeat DO NOT attempt to seduce the King of Sparta's wife. Looking at you, Paris, and you too, Alkibiades. It's a bad. Bad plan.
So Paris seduces Helen, and she runs away with him, leaving Sparta and travelling to Egypt and then home to Troy (and was thus called Helen of Troy), and married Paris. Her husband. Gets. Very. Very mad. And he calls up his own big brother Agamemnon, the King of Mykenae, to go to war! The Greeks all unite and sail across the Aegeon, and lay siege to the city of Troy for a solid 10 years. YEARS. Like an entire decade. It's bad. During this war, Aphrodite takes an active role, appearing on the battlefield to assist her chosen heroes of Troy - especially Paris and her son Aeneas. However the Greek hero Diomedes ends up hitting her with his spear - nicking her wrist, nothing terrible, but she borrows her lover Ares' chariot and runs back to Olympos in shame.
I will have to tell more stories of the Tojan War later. For now I just wanted to mention Aphrodite's part in it. As you can see, not everyone favored by Aphrodite gets a happy ending. In fact most of them don't. She's a dangerous person, that's for sure.
This post has gotten. So long. And I'm not even started my analysis yet. So let's get going.
I mentioned way earlier that if there are two Archtypes which modern america seems most obviously obsessed with, it's Ares and Aphrodite (and weirdly they are the only gods to survive the wrath of Xena... but that's a different story). And I mean it. I don't think I could turn the television on for more that two minutes without seeing a commercial which is dedicate to Aphrodite - or as well as could be, anyway. Have you ever SEEN a perfume commercial? Or jewelry? Or really any film or tv show focused on a (hetero) romance? It's all very Aphrodite.
I don't think I have to spend a lot time enumerating the dangers of Aphrodite. The Church has done a whoooooole lot of that on it's own. The only specific thing I would point to is how the world's obsession with erotic/romantic love often causes it to belittle "platonic" love (for lack of a better word) - meaning love that does not involve sex. Like. You do not have to kiss someone to love them, and your love of that person is NO less important than your love for someone you would kiss. You can have intimate relationships without sex. In fact, you should. And you can have physical relationships without sex, too. Casual physical intimacy is something I feel like I really value, even though I've never had a romantic/sexual partner. And while there's a lot to be said on this topic, one of the worst things is the feeling and assumption that the world has that any two people who are close (esp if they are male and female) WILL and ought to end up kissing/getting married, etc. It's like this weird idea that there MUST be a romance. Aphrodite must win. The play must end in a marriage. It's so expected as to be dull! So much so that when it doesn't happen it's considered subversive. The same way a woman is considered subversive if she does not model herself for the male gaze.
Now I'm not one against romance, let me be clear. I'm not even against marriage and sex. But this world is OBSESSED with it. People order their lives around attracting a mate. Whole industries are build upon making oneself look and feel and smell and act and speak more attractively. Have you ever been on Instragram? Or YouTube? a HUGE percentage of our social space is a Shrine to Aphrodite. And it's hurtful! Even if you are someone who does value finding a spouse and being married as part of your life goals, appeasing the God of Beauty as it were is a bad way to go about it. And it's a terrible, terrible message to give our children.
I could go on a whole speech here about the terrible sexualization of young children and especially girls - both in fashion and just in general. When people see young children interacting and treat the girls like they should already be concerned in romance and looking good for boys is just... yuck. But I said I wasn't going to focus on the dangers of Aphrodite, because they are so obvious and prevalent.
As always I want to point out - this is not me saying Aphrodite is evil, nor that sex and romance are bad! As ALWAYS, there is danger in the excess (which the goddess represents), but also goodness in moderation (which is given us by God).
I really don't have time or energy to point out that hey - sex is good, y'all. To be honest, I don't have the experience to tell you that either. (Honestly, how should I know? I am what they would call a "Maiden", and I don't even mean that in the lose pagan sense I mentioned with Artemis, but the more Biblical sense of the word). But I DO have the experience to tell you that the the Church has, once again, just like with alcohol, done a lot of harm by absolutely demonizing something which is a gift from God. It's a PROBLEM. There are so many people who grow up genuinely SCARED of sex and sexuality - and also ignorant of it! Because of the terrible and completely intentionally imposed restrictions on sex education. On education! It's terrible. Because people WILL and DO learn this stuff, they just learn it either too late or from bad resources. Do you know where my own sex ed came from, primarily? The internet. And yes, that is just as bad and dangerous as it sounds. This is because if there is one pagan god who genuinely terrifies the Church, it's Aphrodite. And sure, there may be good historical precedent for this, from the many horrible sex scandals that church ministers have been involved in over the years. But that is no excuse to foster Shame where there is Freedom, or Fear where there is Love.
The Scriptures - in both the old and new testaments - spend a lot of time speaking against the abuse of sex. Because there are a LOT of ways to abuse people through sex. And humans are. Extremely creative in this regard. But the Church, instead of wading into this choppy water and embracing the gifts God gave us even in this fallen world, has often chosen to pitch the baby with the bathwater as it were. And the chruch could do a lot better by helping teach itself how to celebrate ALL of the good gifts of God, including sex - INCLUDING sex which doesn't necessarily look exactly like you'd do it yourself, if that makes sense. Like. Creativity and FUN are and should be part of this.
Ok sorry this analysis is shorter than normal. The TL;DR is this: As you go through your every day life, you're going to see a LOT of modern devotion to Aphrodite. Please don't fall victim to it. She is a dangerous mistress, and an unattainable one. But at the same time, do not run from her. Praise God for the blessing that is the beauty of human beings, and their sexuality. It's a very VERY complex issue, and as I said, I'm still a bit addled by my recent surgery and pain killers. I'd love to talk more about this though.
Sometimes I give 'homework' or challenges. Last time was to have a symposium. This time it's "Please provide good sex-ed for your children. PLEASE." I cannot tell you how important it is that these subjects are treated with openness and respect, and not with fear and shame. PLEASE. Sex Ed is not evil. A lack of sex ed is evil. PLEASE PROVIDE EDUCATION ON SEX AND SEXUALITY FOR STUDENTS preferably starting before high school, and CONTINUING as students grow up.
There's a reason that, when JBU opened up it's course on sexuality designed for students reading for degrees in family counseling up to it's whole campus over 70 students audited the class. It's because so few of us had any formal sex ed before College. COLLEGE.
Some say that we worship what we fear. Please do not allow the next generation to fear sex. Do not let them worship it. But let them enjoy it.
Thank you for reading this mess of a post.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost Amen.
R
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