Accounting for Zeus' many, many, MANY illegitimate children is going to be what most of this entire series is spent talking about. So let's start with his two actually legitimate kids, shall we?
By legitimate I of course mean Zeus' children by his wife, Hera: Ares and Hephaestus (Hephaistos? I'm gonna go with the more recognizable, Hephaestus). It may be that Zeus and Hera had other children together. But these are the two who are part of the circle of 12 Olympians (even tho we both know there are 13/14 of them).
Ares and Hephaestus aren't actual opposites. But they're close. Hephaestus is a god of creativity and order, while Ares is a god of chaos and destruction. You'd think that a great warrior would want to be good to the person who makes all of the armor and weapons, right? And not sleep with his wife? But then this is Ares we're talking about. He's not the sharpest knife in the kitchen.
I don't actually have many stories about Ares. He kind of just does his own thing. And his thing is carnage. And the funny thing is? Ares isn't even the actual best at it. Sure he might be the best fighter, might be the best in a battle (even this is debatable), but he's not the best at WAR. He is too chaotic, too bloodthirsty, too hot headed. Ares rushes in. And it's gotten him into trouble before. One story in particular I remember, two mighty giants called Otus and Ephialtes came to challenge the gods and attacked Olympus. Ares, confident in his own ability, went out to fight them. But his headlong rush didn't end well, as Otus and his brother were ready for Ares. They captured him, and shoved him inside a bronze urn, where he stayed trapped for an entire year! More on this story later, when we get to the goddess who got him out...
As for Hephaestus, the first thing to know about Hephaestus is that he’s a stand up guy, and a good son. And he’s got a severely crippled leg because of this. I don’t remember the exact context, but once when Zeus was being his usual jerk self toward his wife, Hephaestus’ mother, Hera (He was probably trying to rape her because of course he was). Hephaestus wasn’t having it, and tried to get between them. Zeus, in his rage, threw his son out of Olympus. And I don’t mean he told him to leave. I mean he picked the boy up and tossed him off a cliff. Hephaestus fell down and down, he fell for an entire day, all the way down until he landed with a crash on earth, on the isle of Lemnos in the northern Aegean. There he was cared for and made his way back, but because of the fall has always been crippled on his left side. (Some people say he’s been crippled since birth). But Hephaestus is nothing if nor resourceful. He built himself a couple of Automatons of gold and silver to help. They are his mobility robots. I told you there would be robots, didn’t I? Gotta love them robots.
Hephaestus isn’t as reclusive as Hades, but he does tend to hide away in his forge, where he works with the Cyclopes (yes that is the proper plural, I checked this time) to make amazing weapons and defenses for the gods, and occasionally for mortals too. He’s a guy you definitely want on your side. He’s also… not the best to look at. Which is probably why he and the “monstrous” children of Gaia work together so well. Hephaestus doesn’t judge. He’s a good dude.
Possibly out of pity for all this (his being ugly, and also the whole thrown out of heaven bit), Hephaestus was given in marriage to Aphrodite, the Goddess of Beauty. Which sounds like a wonderful person to be wed to, like a ‘trophy wife’, except that Aphrodite wasn’t thrilled about the match herself, and she’s got loads of options, including several who are “more of a man” than her husband (boo). Which is how it came to pass that Aphrodite (Hephaestus’ wife) and Ares (Hephaestus’ brother) were definitely having an affair. And they were getting it on in Hephaestus’ bed, too. Which turned out to be a really stupid idea.
Hephaestus knew that this was going on. It was a bit of an open secret, because you see the Sun, Helios, sees ALL. And gossip spreads fast. Also this wasn't a short affair. Ares and Aphrodite actually produced SEVERAL children, who we'll discuss when we get to Aphrodite. Hephaestus suffered this shame in relative silence for a long time, until he finally got fed up and found revenge in the most Hephaestus way he could. He built something! Specifically, he made a net. A net of chains in which to catch his wife red handed. Or red something anyway. A net made of such fine yet unbreakable strands that it could not even be seen, but could not be escaped. He made this net and suspended it above his bed - the bed he knew his wife would take Ares to while he was away at work. So when those two came back, and were in the throes of passion, as it were, in the middle of their intercourse, Hephaestus’ net came down, catching them both in their rather compromising position. Hephaestus then dragged the lovers in their naked shame in front of all Olympus to see. After this, some say that Hephaestus divorced Aphrodite, but who really knows?
These days Hephaestus mainly keeps to himself. There aren't a load of stories of him interacting with mortals besides the times when he gives them gifts of armor or weapons (he makes a magnificent shield that basically an entire book of the Iliad is spent describing). There aren't even that many stories of his interactions with other gods, unless they want him to make things. He keeps to his foundry and workshop - which are inside of a volcano, btw - with his friends (and uncles?) the Cyclopes.
Another really interesting aspect of Hephaestus and Ares is their relationship with their eldest sister - Athena. Ares and Athena are both gods of War. And Hephaestus and Athena are both gods of craft. She is the best of them combined and more.
Some even go so far as to say that Athena is Hephaestus' soulmate. She's not his wife, nor would she be, since she's a sacred virgin. So some people paint them as like, Hephaestus being in love with Athena and she not returning his advances. But I’ve always thought of them as very good friends. Because that’s definitely something that a soul mate can be (that wasn't sarcasm, I mean that genuinely). There’s a story worth writing! Best Buds Hephaestus and Athena! I need a buddy cop drama. Stat.
As for Athena and Ares, they are almost always opposed. If Ares picks a side in a battle, Athena will likely pick the other, and vice versa. They are Athens and Sparta, Greece and Troy. My next post is going to be all about Athena, so I'll get more into this. But it's always interested and baffled me that the Greeks have two such different ideas of War. Ares is the strength of the best soldier. He is the ideal Infantryman. The ideal Hoplite. He is fearless, tireless, crushing. He is at home on the battlefield, and gives his all. But he is at home almost nowhere else. His children include Phobos (Fear), and Deimos (Terror), and his partners in crime are the sisters Nemesis (Retribution) and Eris (Strife/Discord), daughters of Nyx (Night/Darkness).
So that's it for Ares and Hephaestus. I'm sure they will come up again later, but this hopefully gives you an idea as to their origin and personality.
Ares and Hephaestus are certainly some of the archetypes who have lived on. I mentioned a few posts ago about the worship of Ares and Aphrodite in modern day. And I definitely hold to this. America in particular - especially the culture of the south, but just in general - seems particularly devoted to the worship of Ares. At first, this might just seem to be me slamming America's obsession with guns and it's over funded military. And quite frankly it is. But it's more than that. I mentioned the modern worship of Ares to a friend the other day and his knowing response was "Oh yeah, Crossfit!" And it opened my eyes to even more ways in which Ares' worship continues on. Ares and Aphrodite are both ideals of the perfected Body. Aphrodite for love, and Ares for war. Ares is and has become the ideal of "the good man with a gun". He is heroism through military strength or training. He is "come and take it". But he can also be seen in the idolization of sports - especially violent ones like American football.
Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT saying that these things are bad. I am saying that they are of Ares. And that when they - like all things! - can become idols. The fact that Ares is and was and will be a god worshiped by humans tells us something about human nature. It's not something we're going to escape. But it's something we can be watchful of.
And this isn't just Anti-Ares either! I can do the same thing for Hephaestus. We idolize tech just as much as muscles. Look at Apple, or Google for instance. Silicon Valley is Hephaestus' newest forge. Everyone works hard to keep up to date with the newest, coolest technology, and some fine identity and status there. The "Nerd" is just as much of an archetype as the "Jock". And even if they are honored by different groups - different cults as it were - they each have their followers.
I honestly don't think there is much harm in knowing and identifying with the gods like this. I'm not trying to shame anyone who would identify with any of this - you'll see in my next post that I am a bit of a modern devotee of Athena myself - but it's certainly something to keep an eye on.
One of the reasons I love the gods so much is how much I learn about God through them. You've probably heard the idea that human beings have a "god shaped hole in their hearts" or some such. Well, the gods are mankind's attempts to fill that hole as blatantly as possible. They are the incarnation of humanity's desires and fears. And we can learn from them not only in how they resemble or shadow the real God, but also in how they differ from him. Our God is a mighty warrior, and a master creator - he can beat both Ares and Hephaestus at their own game. And in a world rightly ordered, they are shadows of him. In a world wrongly ordered, they are thieves of his glory. As are we all.
I hope you enjoyed these stories of Hera's sons. Next time, as I've said, it's time to discuss the love of my life, Athena. And I even have pictures for that one!
Thank you for reading
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
R
P.S. I'm still looking for a title for this series!
Hephaestus knew that this was going on. It was a bit of an open secret, because you see the Sun, Helios, sees ALL. And gossip spreads fast. Also this wasn't a short affair. Ares and Aphrodite actually produced SEVERAL children, who we'll discuss when we get to Aphrodite. Hephaestus suffered this shame in relative silence for a long time, until he finally got fed up and found revenge in the most Hephaestus way he could. He built something! Specifically, he made a net. A net of chains in which to catch his wife red handed. Or red something anyway. A net made of such fine yet unbreakable strands that it could not even be seen, but could not be escaped. He made this net and suspended it above his bed - the bed he knew his wife would take Ares to while he was away at work. So when those two came back, and were in the throes of passion, as it were, in the middle of their intercourse, Hephaestus’ net came down, catching them both in their rather compromising position. Hephaestus then dragged the lovers in their naked shame in front of all Olympus to see. After this, some say that Hephaestus divorced Aphrodite, but who really knows?
These days Hephaestus mainly keeps to himself. There aren't a load of stories of him interacting with mortals besides the times when he gives them gifts of armor or weapons (he makes a magnificent shield that basically an entire book of the Iliad is spent describing). There aren't even that many stories of his interactions with other gods, unless they want him to make things. He keeps to his foundry and workshop - which are inside of a volcano, btw - with his friends (and uncles?) the Cyclopes.
Another really interesting aspect of Hephaestus and Ares is their relationship with their eldest sister - Athena. Ares and Athena are both gods of War. And Hephaestus and Athena are both gods of craft. She is the best of them combined and more.
Some even go so far as to say that Athena is Hephaestus' soulmate. She's not his wife, nor would she be, since she's a sacred virgin. So some people paint them as like, Hephaestus being in love with Athena and she not returning his advances. But I’ve always thought of them as very good friends. Because that’s definitely something that a soul mate can be (that wasn't sarcasm, I mean that genuinely). There’s a story worth writing! Best Buds Hephaestus and Athena! I need a buddy cop drama. Stat.
As for Athena and Ares, they are almost always opposed. If Ares picks a side in a battle, Athena will likely pick the other, and vice versa. They are Athens and Sparta, Greece and Troy. My next post is going to be all about Athena, so I'll get more into this. But it's always interested and baffled me that the Greeks have two such different ideas of War. Ares is the strength of the best soldier. He is the ideal Infantryman. The ideal Hoplite. He is fearless, tireless, crushing. He is at home on the battlefield, and gives his all. But he is at home almost nowhere else. His children include Phobos (Fear), and Deimos (Terror), and his partners in crime are the sisters Nemesis (Retribution) and Eris (Strife/Discord), daughters of Nyx (Night/Darkness).
So that's it for Ares and Hephaestus. I'm sure they will come up again later, but this hopefully gives you an idea as to their origin and personality.
Ares and Hephaestus are certainly some of the archetypes who have lived on. I mentioned a few posts ago about the worship of Ares and Aphrodite in modern day. And I definitely hold to this. America in particular - especially the culture of the south, but just in general - seems particularly devoted to the worship of Ares. At first, this might just seem to be me slamming America's obsession with guns and it's over funded military. And quite frankly it is. But it's more than that. I mentioned the modern worship of Ares to a friend the other day and his knowing response was "Oh yeah, Crossfit!" And it opened my eyes to even more ways in which Ares' worship continues on. Ares and Aphrodite are both ideals of the perfected Body. Aphrodite for love, and Ares for war. Ares is and has become the ideal of "the good man with a gun". He is heroism through military strength or training. He is "come and take it". But he can also be seen in the idolization of sports - especially violent ones like American football.
Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT saying that these things are bad. I am saying that they are of Ares. And that when they - like all things! - can become idols. The fact that Ares is and was and will be a god worshiped by humans tells us something about human nature. It's not something we're going to escape. But it's something we can be watchful of.
And this isn't just Anti-Ares either! I can do the same thing for Hephaestus. We idolize tech just as much as muscles. Look at Apple, or Google for instance. Silicon Valley is Hephaestus' newest forge. Everyone works hard to keep up to date with the newest, coolest technology, and some fine identity and status there. The "Nerd" is just as much of an archetype as the "Jock". And even if they are honored by different groups - different cults as it were - they each have their followers.
I honestly don't think there is much harm in knowing and identifying with the gods like this. I'm not trying to shame anyone who would identify with any of this - you'll see in my next post that I am a bit of a modern devotee of Athena myself - but it's certainly something to keep an eye on.
One of the reasons I love the gods so much is how much I learn about God through them. You've probably heard the idea that human beings have a "god shaped hole in their hearts" or some such. Well, the gods are mankind's attempts to fill that hole as blatantly as possible. They are the incarnation of humanity's desires and fears. And we can learn from them not only in how they resemble or shadow the real God, but also in how they differ from him. Our God is a mighty warrior, and a master creator - he can beat both Ares and Hephaestus at their own game. And in a world rightly ordered, they are shadows of him. In a world wrongly ordered, they are thieves of his glory. As are we all.
I hope you enjoyed these stories of Hera's sons. Next time, as I've said, it's time to discuss the love of my life, Athena. And I even have pictures for that one!
Thank you for reading
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
R
P.S. I'm still looking for a title for this series!
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