Oxford Again

I had thought about posting once every day on this trip. I really had. But alas what is past is past. 

So far this trip has been several things. Exhausting. Energizing. Interesting. Surreal. 

Being in Oxford again has such an interesting feeling. It feels normal. As if I never left. As if the last year of my life was somehow less real than all of this. But at the same time, without my studies, and with tying to fit much into few days, it doesn’t feel like it did. It’s like I cannot remember what those two years were like at all, and also like I am back in them, all at once.

What’s been really wonderful about this trip has of course been the people. I had forgotten, it seems, what a difference it makes to have friends nearby. Real friends, and not on skype I mean. Friends where I don’t need any excuse to see them. Where we can talk about everything and anything all in one afternoon. I’ve missed the pubs and the parks far more than the museums and libraries - although I miss those too - because they contain these people. I miss evenings at Chequers, board game nights,  and long walks through parks or countryside. And thanks to my wonderful friends - friends willing to drive/ride for hours to come into town - I’ve had all of those and more these past few days.

I’ve been thinking about what I want to take home with me. Not physically, I mean. But take back to the mundane, suburban, oppressively hot and rather... well isolated is the wrong word. Stuck. The stuck place I’m at back home. 

I don’t really want to go home. It didn’t take me long to realize that of course and I knew I would feel this. Feel it as I walk to streets and when I sit here in Port Meadow and let the wind blow me. But I’m going back anyway. Back to work and back to school. Back to I don’t know what I’m really doing. Back to I don’t really have a good reason to leave the house, or anyone to leave it for. And I don’t think I can change all of that overnight.

I want to get better. I want to have this again. Maybe not even here. Although I would love it here. But can’t I have two of these? Even in some small regard? I don’t know.

I don’t want to make any brave proclamations of change. I know that this is a high which will be followed by a low. But I don’t want to leave this place empty handed. 

I’m not of course. I’m leaving with countless amazing and great experiences, some of which I never thought I would have a chance to have, most of them due to my terrific friend Lizzy. But I hope that this time, at least some of those experiences stick.

Thanks for reading. I’ll try to post at least once or twice more during this trip. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above he heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen. 

R